Childhood to adulthood, Adulthood to parenthood?!
A dilemma | A Fear | A leap of faith!
I read a funny yet scary quote, which says
“Parenthood the scariest hood you’ll ever go through”
…and internet is full of them! It did scare me when I was in that phase, but reality is, I still wanted to be a parent, I still wanted a cute little chubby baby who will touch my face with his or her small hands and will smile back to me!
Husband and wife both live a mod life and follow…
Work hard and party harder as their work life balance mantra.
Definitely, both have apprehensions about being a parent! Be it Career, stability in life, Family pressures and peer inspirations. All of it adds up to the anxieties and results into a sane couples with cuckoos in their heads. And if marriage has been more than 2 years than just imagine the people around going desperate to see you as a parent!
Well! We all find ourselves in this situation and it’s definitely difficult to escape!
I have complied a quick go-to list (you can also use it as an excuse for the escape ;)) for couples who are under this dilemma of whether “I am ready or not!” (yes! the quotations are on purpose)
So here comes the magical list….
- TRUE DESIRE TO BE A FAMILY!
First and foremost both of you needs to have the desire of being a parent. Let it be a family pressure or be an inspiration from your peers, if both of you do not have the desire to be a parent at this stage of life then everything will fall flat! – says Dr. Shipra Jaiswal. It is always two of you in the equation and the individual mind-set of ‘main’ has to change to ‘hum’ – says Dr. Sathe
- WELL NURTURED RELATIONSHIP
The next in line is very important – the phase of your relationship. If both husband and wife live a parted or really hectic life due to the choice of their career, expecting them to co-create after just one or two years of marriage is just a fool’s paradise! Even though love marriages are at rise people need to enjoy each other’s smelly moment! If any one of you feel shy while doing these natural things in front of your significant half then you need to reevaluate your relationship and establish it to be really strong that it can take the burden of these smelly bumpy moments. 😉
Each couple has some aspirations for themselves be it going around the world or being together for few more years and give time to themselves! which is definitely a right thing to do before being a parent and losing yourself to the little monsters at home!
- PHYSICAL STABILITY
The fear of infertility has so deep roots in Indian family mind-set that it almost stereotype a couple to be infertile if they don’t have babies after 2 years of marriage! This fear has its roots in the medical logic of higher the age higher are the complications says Dr. Shipra Jaiswal. With today’s right to educate a girl and her right to be independent, motherhood age has shifted from 20s something to early 30s for the first child and maximum 35 years for the second one. While doctors believe that fathers biological clock runs out post 40 – so you have time till he is 39 and a half-year old ;).
If you are under this age limits and you are clear about how many children you want, you are allowed to delay your decision to enter parenthood ;).
- FINANCIAL AND CAREER AND ACHIEVEMENT AND ….STABILITY
It is the most famous stability which couples are in quest of!!!
This stability has many facets, some couples look for a stable point for both of their career while some look for stable finances and some look for settling with their own house and car! The list of this aspirational stability is endless. It is important to achieve a point in your career and be stable to provide best of best childhood to your baby(ies), however this one needs to be taken with a pinch of salt!
Our dreams are big and our aspirations are endless that doesn’t mean you need to keep a phase of your life on hold! – says Dr. Sathe.
Everything falls in place once you become a to-be parent! Like one of my friend who is an expecting father now said “I will always be unstable with my finances, that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t have kids”, or the other one who is father of a 4-year-old said “You never achieve everything – you need to manage it somehow!”
Thus if your only reason for delaying is your need to achieve more – I would say you should appreciate your achievements until now and give yourself a break of parenthood – little god only knows what he/she has in store for you! 😉
- EMOTIONAL STABILITY
The next favourite of all is emotional stability! What is this about?
Well, this stability is anchored in the thought of unknown!
Fear for upcoming changes in lifestyle,
Fear of additional responsibility of a new life and how one will handle this new life
To fear of losing freedom and one self by changes in your body, behavior and lifestyle – tricks both men and women across age groups.
This is the only change in life that people are skeptical about and think 1000s of time before really going for it! If you feel these changes in life is labelled as restriction by you and/or your significant half then you should give time to yourselves.
Remember you have time till he turns 39 and a half and she turns 34 and a half! 😉
- HAVE A STRONG SECURED SUPPORT SYSTEM AT HOME
It is important to have a strong support system at home to take care of your baby and your life! With limited maternal leave and no paternal leaves in India one needs a strong support system at home.
Majority of cases the grandparents play a crucial role to take care of the little ones and act as the primary support system, however considering the shift in parenthood, age of grandparents’, their health and their priorities also matters. They also have a right to live their own life!
Thus, it is important to have an alternative support system at home as well. A nanny or a full-time maid who will take complete care of your baby(ies) without harming them! Frankly speaking, I had natural apprehensions against day-cares and nannies thus I wanted a good secured system as well for my house.
With the globalization and advancements in the technologies one has access to CCTV cameras and many more spy monitoring systems to soothe an obsessively secured parent inside us!
Well that brings me to the end of the checklist.
Though this is the checklist what I curated for myself as well but from mine and many of other parent’s experience not everything can be ticked to say ‘I Do’ to parenthood without being too late!
So be wise, evaluate your parameters and be happy while you pop a unicorns in time!